Irritation level rising

Somebody at work's been stealing my sodas. I can't hide them either, due to my inclination for cold sodas, I have nowhere to put them but the fridge. I try to put gross-looking things on the sodas, like grocery bags, cheese, or wilted lettuce, but the thief is clever. Said thief could either be the receptionists, 2 fellow audiologists, or maybe the security staff. I'm leaning towards the latter. First of all, 2 other audiologists are mormon so I know no caffeine passes their lips. They're exonerated. Besides, if I were mormon and going to sin with caffeine, I wouldn't choose Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr Pepper. Too wimpy. I would choose good old Coke or I heard Mountain Dew has the highest caffeine level. So I know it's not them. The receptionists seem like they would ask....but I don't know. It could be several people, each one thinking, "She won't notice just one." OOOh, I notice though!! Those sodas are central to my existence, my mid-day oasis of pleasure, without which I would slip into despair and possibly violence. It is second only to my morning coffee, which luckily no one can steal because I bring it here each morning my own damn self.

The second annoying thing is that a certain one among us has decided he doesn't want to see any consults. Oh, I applaud the concept. None of us actually wants patients. If I could get away with it, I would see zero patients and let my colleagues do all the work while I sit here, or not even show up. The aforementioned audiologist has declared (secretly and furtively-- I know only because the receptionist is my back-up mom) that all new patients get booked with me, and only then with him or this other colleague. A 4th colleague doesn't count because she's soon departing for maternity leave. Anyway, the ally colleague did a tally of consults: I had 57, whereas rogue colleague had a measly 35 or something like that. The problem isn't that he is so much more bogged down than I, in which case I would be understanding, albeit grudging. It's not. But one day my back-up mom booked him a walk-in consult. Nobody likes this, but I had to suffer the same a couple days before that. They try to spread out the agony. I thought I was done, but came out and saw that there was an hour-long new patient consult on my schedule. The worst kind. (Unless they have a full benefit which is a different story, although only slightly less vexing). He was clearly irritated, especially since I coincidentally had a fairly open schedule that afternoon. My bad luck. So he proclaimed from thenceforth that he has "too many patients" (he doesn't), and i should see all new consults if the schedules are both open, I get that person.

No quicker way to subvert goodwill at work. First, he should just talk to me, second , who says he gets to make executive decisions? Thirdly, I am too cowardly to say anything, but instead will resort to passive aggressive behavior, such as calling in sick on a day when I know his schedule is empty, if this continues.

I'll keep updating on this riveting information, as it unfolds. For now, I'm going to have to buy more sodas.